This Country S00E03 — The Aftermath

Every line from “The Aftermath” (872 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

This Country S00E03 meme — “I think we need to get to the bottom of things.”

00:02This programme contains strong language.
00:13BRUSH SWEEPING
00:19Yes, it's been a very difficult few months.
00:22When something like this happens in such a small village,
00:25the repercussions are felt everywhere.
00:30It was a very, very tough time for the whole community and...
00:34..by the end, I think I could say it left us exhausted.
00:40BBC NEWS THEME TUNE PLAYS
00:42Police discovered nearly 170 of them in a nearby lock-up garage
00:45and dozens more in a room at the local bowls club.
00:49The ringleader of the plot was...
00:50Look at Martin there, without a beard.
00:53Looks like a shaved worm.
00:55Have you got anything to say, Mr Mucklowe?
00:57Any apology?
00:59Anything to say today?
01:02Just you wait till the next bit, as well...
01:04The prosecution's case hinged on evidence given
01:07by Martin Mucklowe's own family, in particular his daughter Kerry.
01:12Now, this...
01:14..actually amazes me.
01:16You know why?
01:17Because there's not a human on this planet who looks like that.
01:19Oh, Kurtan, stop winding yourself up!
01:23Kerry, you look like a sponge, for Christ's sake.
01:25Your chins are so large it looks like you're wearing an aeroplane
01:28pillow the wrong way around.
01:30And my nose, they've drawn my nose bigger than yours.
01:33That's like drawing a parish church bigger than the Shard.
01:38Mind-boggling.
01:42Martin got two years in the end, didn't he?
01:45Yeah.
01:46Kerry had to testify against him in court,
01:48as well, didn't you?
01:50Yeah, I did, yeah.
01:51And so did I.
01:52He was not best pleased with that, I can tell you.
01:54He just tried to intimidate me the whole time.
01:56First he was staring at me like that.
01:59And then he was doing stuff like that.
02:01And then when the judge looked over at him, he just turned
02:03it into that.
02:06Kerry got community service, as well, in the end,
02:09didn't you?
02:10Yeah.
02:11We looked then we saw him step in on the mat.
02:15We looked and we saw him,
02:17the cat in the hat.
02:18For my community service, I basically had to read books
02:22to the visually impaired, which was as bad as I thought
02:26it was going to be.
02:28Basically, it's a picture of a cat in a very much too large of a hat.
02:33And there's a little fish in a bowl, looking out as if to go...
02:38"What the fuck?"
02:39And I believe it's in connection with the hat.
02:44Well, we did hope Martin being sent away would give Kerry some sort
02:48of closure, but that doesn't seem to have been the case at all.
02:52Yes, I did testify against my dad, but they made me do it,
02:56unfortunately, when I actually didn't want to do it.
02:59But when the police were talking to me,
03:02I got the intention from them that if I didn't testify
03:05against my dad, I would get ripped apart by police dogs.
03:10They didn't say it, but it's what they didn't say.
03:15Well, you know my feelings on Martin.
03:18Don't like the man, so I was very happy seeing him sent down,
03:20you know? Don't think Kerry was.
03:23Which is probably part of the reason why she's sort of misbehaving
03:26at the moment.
03:27Argh!
03:29What are you doing?
03:31Sorry.
03:32Yes, I am worried about Kerry at the moment.
03:35Her behaviour's completely off the rails, at present.
03:39Frankly, she is behaving like the Antichrist.
03:42Everyone slags you off, Colin, at the bowls club.
03:46Arthur calls you an absolute bozo.
03:50He says you're shit at bowls.
03:52Keep walking!
03:56This is her in the village shop last Wednesday morning.
04:02I had to beg Mrs Wicks not to share this with the police,
04:05but, I mean...
04:09Utterly mindless.
04:13When you're on two wheels, you can do whatever you want.
04:20It's like an elephant trying to ride a tricycle,
04:22watching her go down the road.
04:24Shut up. You're just saying that, because you ain't got a bike.
04:27She can't fit her arse on it.
04:28I can. I just choose not to.
04:38Yeah?
04:41What?
04:46Who?
04:53Yeah.
04:58Oh, that's sad.
05:02What for?
05:11Oh, that is sad.
05:13KNOCKING AT WINDOW
05:16Fuck's sake.
05:18Fucking hell.
05:20Here's Kurtan! Oh, my God, I actually nearly died then.
05:25I'll scare her.
05:27Let me have a go.
05:28Let me have a go. All right, careful.
05:30My dad actually used to have one of them. Yeah? Yeah.
05:37It is my dad's! Yeah?
05:40Look, M-M, Martin Mucklowe.
05:42That's my dad's intimidation mask.
05:44Intimidation mask? Yeah, he used to wear it when Dominic Littlewood
05:48knocked on the door.
05:49Who's Dominic Littlewood?
05:51The guy from Cowboy Builders,
05:52the little funny bald bloke.
05:54Oh, yeah.
05:55What was he after?
05:57Something about a driveway.
06:00Unfinished, I imagine.
06:01Where did you get this?
06:02From Sandra's garden, she was throwing it out
06:05with a load of other stuff.
06:07What the fuck?
06:09Where you going? Sandra's.
06:14That's annoying. I literally just got here.
06:18Sandra is Martin's partner and although she's had two kids
06:22with Martin, I actually think she's all right.
06:24But her and Kerry don't get on at all.
06:27You know. They're like two rats arguing about who can be first
06:30behind the Pied Piper, not realising that he's leading
06:33them both over a cliff.
06:36Onto some, like, jagged rocks, you know?
06:39So it doesn't matter who's first behind the Pied Piper,
06:41because they're both going to get their heads crushed in.
06:45Oh, my God.
06:46Oh, my God.
06:48How has she thrown out all my dad's stuff?
06:51I absolutely... I cannot stand that woman.
06:53I'm actually going to knock her out if I see her.
06:55Kerry, Kerry, Kerry, Kerry. I actually will.
06:58Why are you throwing all my dad's stuff away,
07:00you mentalist?
07:01I'm not getting into this now, Kerry, all right? Sandra!
07:04Talk to me!
07:05I'm not doing this now!
07:06Not today!
07:10I can't... Kurtan.
07:12Let's just get this stuff.
07:13What are we taking?
07:15Leathers.
07:16Get the radio.
07:17Get that other bag.
07:19Yeah.
07:24How do I think Sandra thinks about me after the trial?
07:26I actually know how Sandra thinks about me after the trial,
07:30because I went on her Facebook page and she posted the status that said,
07:34"Hate fake people that testify against my partner Martin."
07:38And I commented underneath it saying, "Are you talking about me?"
07:42And then when I went back to check to see if she'd commented,
07:45she'd actually blocked me and she'd blocked me from Instagram,
07:48as well, so I think that says it all.
07:51Hello, hello. Come on in.
07:52Lovely to see you. Hello, boys. Thanks for having us.
07:55How lovely to see you.
07:56It's been a very tough time for Sandra and her children.
08:00I've got squash, I've got biscuits.
08:02Since Martin was convicted, the council have given her
08:05an eviction notice, because of the house being involved
08:08in Martin's criminal activity, so Sandra came to me for help
08:13and I'm glad she did because, together, we're going
08:16to file an appeal.
08:19So that brings us to number six.
08:21That's great, Sandra.
08:23This is probably the most important bit of the form.
08:26It's where we need to state as clearly as possible our case
08:28against the eviction order, so...
08:31It wasn't Martin that put the hoovers in the house,
08:33it was Kerry.
08:34Right. Because Kerry stole a key from Martin and let herself
08:38in when we were out and put the hoovers there. But I'm not...
08:42And said if Martin didn't let her, she was going to drown Mr Chuckles
08:46in a bucket of bleach.
08:48Who's Mr Chuckles?
08:49The boys' chinchilla.
08:52Right.
08:53But Sandra, I don't think that's something Kerry would do.
08:56I do know her... But she did.
08:58And, before she left, she ran up a £300 telephone bill
09:01on Babestation.
09:03Right. She must have had the flu at the time, because the entire
09:06living room was littered with scrunched-up tissues and none
09:10of us in the house had a cold.
09:13Right. So shall I just write that down?
09:17Let's come back to that in a minute, shall we?
09:19The worrying thing is I've learned how much Martin has been playing
09:22Sandra and Kerry off each other. Which is no surprise,
09:25really, but it's concerning to hear the lies Martin was feeding
09:29Sandra about Kerry.
09:32One of which was that Kerry had cashed in all the family's
09:35premium bonds and spend the money on Nazi paraphernalia.
09:41And another was that Kerry had been beating Martin with an iron pole.
09:47This is all my dad's stuff.
09:49This is what Sandra's just going to chuck out,
09:51she's such an evil witch.
09:54So controlling, as well.
09:56You know she didn't even let my dad go out, because she used
09:59to think my dad was cheating on her.
10:00Really? Yeah.
10:02She wouldn't even let him go to skittles, because she used
10:05to think the skittles were shaped
10:07like curvy women's bodies.
10:09And she had a Taser, as well, and she used to Taser him
10:12in the crotch every time there was a programme
10:14with a woman on it.
10:17But the only show that my dad could actually watch in the end
10:20was Blue Planet, but he wasn't even allowed to watch the dolphin bit,
10:23because she'd think that he'd get turned on
10:26by the dolphins' blowholes.
10:28It must have been absolute hell for my dad.
10:31Number seven.
10:33Well, that's easy.
10:34Today, the vicar has been helping me appeal the eviction.
10:38He's been so great.
10:39He's helped with everything. And now I feel a bit bad
10:42that Martin always used to call him a bald nonce,
10:44cos I've left him on his own with the boys loads
10:47and they've never said anything...
10:48I know you said no wafers, but I brought some out
10:51just in case.
10:53Thank you, Vicar.
10:54That's no problem, I'll just be in the office.
10:57See what he's like?
10:59He thinks of everything.
11:01And it's been quite revealing hearing his side of things.
11:04Because, like with the hoovers, according to Martin,
11:07Kerry was the brain behind the whole thing.
11:12Mum!
11:15There's no holes in my crumpets!
11:19There's no holes in my crumpets!
11:25Oh, yeah. There they are.
11:31Yeah, I did, yeah.
11:43Since the trial, I haven't been working at the bowls club.
11:47Basically Terry let me go.
11:50Initially I thought it might be something to do
11:53with the hoovers being stored there and that,
11:55but Terry just said the club can't afford to have the luxury
11:59of a bar manager at the moment and, yeah, it was sad, but Terry's
12:04a businessman at the end of the day, so I've got to respect his decision
12:07and I'll always do what's best for that club,
12:10that's the thing.
12:11But that's just life, I suppose, isn't it?
12:14Just full of hellos and goodbyes.
12:16This happens to be one goodbye that is tough to take.
12:22But we'll move on.
12:24Kurtan is very, very, very bad at moving on.
12:29Like, once he fixates on something, he just won't let it go.
12:33He's like a ghost with unfinished business.
12:38They're bowling like a bunch of absolute pubes out there today.
12:41INDISTINCT CHATTER
12:43How have they all aged so horribly
12:45in such a short space of time, as well?
12:48Brenda, I literally can't believe she's just sat there laughing,
12:51like it's funny.
12:54Bishops Cleeve are literally creaming us
12:57and Brenda, she's just sat there, with her visor on, laughing.
13:10It's been amazing, going through my dad's things,
13:12because I found out so much about him.
13:14Like, I found out that my love of two wheels is actually in my DNA,
13:18because my dad was in a biker gang called Satan's Fingers.
13:22Here, look.
13:24Can you see?
13:25How good does this jacket look on me, as well?
13:30Proper smart.
13:33Lethal.
13:39See, this is the old gang, look, here.
13:42That's my dad, there.
13:44He was called Lady's Finger.
13:46That's Crazy Finger.
13:48That there's Fish Finger.
13:50And that there's Pull My Finger, because he was the joker
13:52of the pack...
13:54Until he killed himself.
13:57One day he just walked into the sea, and he just kept on walking.
14:02No-one knows why.
14:11God, woke up in a cold sweat this morning thinking,
14:14"Shit, ain't ordered in the Mini Cheddars
14:16"for the County Cup semis."
14:18Because they're like crack to old people.
14:20Then halfway through my conversation with Steve, the supplier,
14:23I realised I don't work at the bowling club no more.
14:27It's nice having my days back, I suppose.
14:30So I've actually been getting into fitness recently,
14:33just like working out, doing weights and that.
14:36Already really noticing the difference, just
14:39in the definition, really, and core strength.
14:43Oh, here he is.
14:44Is that a ghost I see before me or is that the real Arthur?
14:47Oh, shut up! I was going to go through with it.
14:49No, you weren't! I was! I was.
14:52But my veins is too small. They couldn't get the needle in.
14:55Honest! Yeah, yeah, whatever!
15:01Basically, Arthur went to Switzerland to get euthanized
15:03at a euthanasia clinic.
15:05He had this chronic stomach pain.
15:06He was just being a massive emotional drain on his family.
15:09But in the last minute, he chickened out.
15:11He's hardly shown his face since.
15:14And everyone from the bowls club were a bit pissed off
15:16because they threw, like, this massive leaving party for him.
15:19They even all clubbed in to fly his old schoolmate over from Australia.
15:23Cost, like, four grand.
15:26And him and Arthur ended up falling out at the end of the night
15:29over a bloody bar tab.
15:33Well, that would be absolutely amazing, Trev.
15:37Yeah. Are you serious...?
15:40Yeah, cos...what, all I need to do is just sort out a list.
15:44So, basically, I had this idea, because everybody's turning
15:47their back on my dad and that, to get back in touch
15:49with the Fingers, and my dad's old mates.
15:51And I found one of the numbers on the back of this bit of paper,
15:55and it's one of the Fingers, called Trev.
15:57And I rang him up and spoke to him and he was just so lovely
16:00about my dad.
16:01He said that I should go and visit him because he's got
16:04so many stories to tell me about my dad.
16:06And they sound really funny.
16:08Like one, apparently, involves a nun,
16:11a condom machine at Heston Services and a very young
16:16Charlie from Casualty.
16:33Come on through.
16:35This is where I've been working out, really.
16:37Basically Slugs has been telling everyone he's opened a gym,
16:40but it's just a bench press in the garden.
16:43But now I've got a bit more time on my hands I thought, "Fuck it,"
16:45might as well use it, you know.
16:47I would work out at home, but Nan doesn't let me,
16:51because I left a dumbbell on the carpet once.
16:54It left an indent.
16:55She went absolutely apeshit about it.
17:00It was a new carpet, that's why.
17:02Thinking about getting like a punchbag to hang off there,
17:05that would be good.
17:06Maybe like some sort of bin, just fill it with protein powder
17:08and a scoop and just help yourself whenever you want, really.
17:12But, yeah.
17:13That's excellent.
17:15I'm really impressed.
17:16Do my arms look bigger to you, Vicar?
17:19Erm... Yes, I'd say so.
17:21Yeah?
17:23Bet you can't get out of my grip.
17:35OK. Yes, very good.
17:37Very strong.
17:38KURTAN EXHALES
17:46Yep.
17:47Beast Mode.
17:49One, two...
17:51I'm not sure if Kerry's told you, but she wants me
17:54to drive her over to see one of Martin's old friends.
17:58..five... Well, I'm...
18:00..six... No.
18:02No?
18:03I'm in two minds about it, really.
18:05Why? What's the problem?
18:06Well, I just don't know what she is...
18:08Yeah, take it.
18:10..what she hopes to gain from it.
18:12I mean, she seems obsessed with this biker gang.
18:16The last thing I want is her getting involved with Martin's old friends.
18:19Honestly, Vicar, you've just got to let it go.
18:22Let her be, for God's sake.
18:23At the end of the day, she'll be obsessed by the bikers
18:26one week and then the next week, it'll be something else.
18:28Last week she was obsessed with saving the bees.
18:30And the other day I literally saw her purposely stamp on one.
18:33Yes, you might be right.
18:34I just...
18:36I just wasn't sure if it's the right thing to do,
18:38given her state of mind at the moment.
18:40I actually don't want to be harsh, Vicar, but I actually think
18:44you might have Munchausen syndrome.
18:46You know, you're making Kerry think she's got something wrong
18:48with her when, actually, I think it might be you that's a little bit
18:51sick in the head.
18:54What, Munchausen?
19:01Huh?
19:04Shit.
19:09Yes, I think I will take Kerry to see this chap.
19:14And although I don't think it's necessarily the best thing
19:17for her to be doing at the moment, I'm going to listen to Kurtan
19:21on this occasion.
19:22He certainly knows her the best.
19:26Polly says I need to listen more.
19:28We all have our faults.
19:31She doesn't listen either, to be honest.
19:36Between you and me, she puts far too much sugar
19:38in her strawberry jam and then she wonders why she's not
19:41placed in the jam festival each year.
19:54I'm so excited about today.
19:56The only thing I'm not excited about is spending two hours
19:59with the vicar in the car, because his music tastes are so bad.
20:03Like, he said if God had a singing voice,
20:05it would sound a lot like David Gray.
20:07Whereas I think if the devil had a singing voice,
20:10it would sound a lot like David Gray.
20:29Morning, Kerry.
20:31All right?
20:35Right. Seat belt, please, Kerry.
20:37I haven't even got in the car yet.
20:39Give me a chance.
20:4019,000 people die a year from not wearing a seat belt.
20:43Oh, this is going to be fun.
20:50Kayleigh says I've let myself go a bit.
20:54So I set up this gym in my back yard and I've been
20:59working out ever since.
21:01How many is that?
21:02That's got to be enough. Yeah, I have spent a lot of time
21:05just getting screwed over in the past.
21:08Not just by one woman, I think quite a lot of them
21:11have done this to me.
21:12At the moment, I'm taking a break from it all.
21:18Because it's just...
21:20It's too hard.
21:21Yeah, I know where Slugs is coming from.
21:24I had a relationship
21:26of my own that broke down recently.
21:30And because, you know, in a relationship you don't always
21:32have to say, you know, how much you care about someone,
21:37how much like them, because you do it through
21:39actions, as well.
21:40You just do it by being there, by turning up half an hour early
21:44before a shift.
21:46Going two hours after you're meant to have finished, you know.
21:52Staying at the bowls club all night, just so the toilets are perfectly
21:56clean before the County Cup.
21:58That's, you know...
22:01That's love.
22:09Now, Kerry.
22:10I've been talking to Sandra.
22:13Why? Well, because I felt it was important.
22:15I think we need to get to the bottom of things.
22:18Look, I think there may have been a few crossed wires.
22:20Sandra can go eff herself as far as I'm concerned.
22:23Kerry. I didn't even swear, then!
22:25I find abbreviating it just as offensive.
22:27Oh, great, so I'll just be mates with the woman who used
22:30to beat my dad with an iron post, shall I?
22:32That sounds like such a laugh.
22:33I don't think that's true.
22:35It is true.
22:36No, I don't think she did that. It is.
22:38Anyway, don't you want to get to know your brothers a bit better?
22:41No. They're my half-brothers.
22:42I know... All right, your half-brothers.
22:44If they don't make the effort with me, why should I actually make
22:47the effort with them?
22:48They're ten and six, Kerry.
22:50Yeah, age is no excuse.
22:53Anyway, Sandra's got a nice little gift coming
22:55to her through her letterbox...
22:58What do you mean by that? ..soon from me.
23:00What do you mean by that?
23:01What don't I mean by that?
23:03What DO you mean by that?
23:04It's a nice little surprise, if you like surprises
23:07that are pig shite.
23:08No, Kerry. No. Yeah.
23:10No, you're not going to do that. I am going to do that.
23:12No, you're not. You're just showing off. I'm not showing off!
23:15You are showing off. Oh, what, to them?
23:17I don't even care about them.
23:24# Ten black spiders standing on the wall
23:27# Ten black spiders standing on the wall
23:30# And if one black spider should accidentally crawl
23:34# It will crawl up your trousers and paralyse your...
23:37# Nine black spiders standing on the wall... #
23:40That's good, I like that!
23:41# Nine black spiders, standing on the wall
23:44# And if one black spider... Standing on the wall
23:47# It will crawl up your trouser leg and paralyse your...
23:51# Eight black spiders standing on the wall
23:53# Eight black spiders standing on the wall
23:57# And if one black spider should accidentally fall
24:01# It will crawl up your trouser leg and paralyse your...
24:04# Seven black spiders... #
24:09# One black spider standing on the wall
24:12# One black spider...# Join in!
24:15# Standing on the wall
24:16# And if one black spider should accidentally fall
24:19# It will crawl up your trouser leg and paralyse your... #
24:23Massive bollocks. All right, Kerry.
24:28Shall we do it again? No.
24:40Terry!
24:41That's Terry there, look, sat down.
24:43The one with the leather jacket, that's him.
24:49Actually, give me a minute.
24:50I might just say hello. Stay there.
25:00All right, Terry. All right, Kurtan.
25:03Yeah.
25:04How's things?
25:05Yeah, good. Yeah, yeah, not bad at all, thanks.
25:09How's the club, then?
25:11Colin's still driving me up the wall.
25:13Some things don't change.
25:15No, they don't.
25:16Anyway, nice to see you, Kurtan.
25:19All right. Yeah, cool.
25:21All right, cheers, Terry.
25:23Yeah, see you.
25:30Did you see that?
25:32There's a game on now and he's just sat there necking pints.
25:36There'll be no-one behind the bar.
25:37I tell you what, he'll have a riot on his hands
25:40when all the old duffers realise there's no sandwiches.
25:44He's just sat there self-medicating with Stowford's Press.
25:52You know, it's very clear the bowls club is going to the dogs
25:55and that's sad, really.
25:57I'm taking no pleasure in seeing that or seeing Terry just totally
26:01consumed by his own self-loathing.
26:06But if there's a lesson learnt here, it's that if you remove
26:10a vital cog in that machine, that machine will just implode.
26:14You know, it's like taking an engine out of a Fiat Panda.
26:17Yes, it will freewheel for a bit, but at some point
26:21it'll just plough into a wall.
26:24It definitely is this road?
26:26That's what the map said, I think.
26:30It seems a bit out of the way, no?
26:32Yeah... Let's keep going.
26:35Is that it, do you think?
26:39Yeah. Crumbs.
26:42Wow. That's a bit odd.
26:49Do you think that's him?
26:51Yep.
26:53I think that must be him.
26:58Right.
26:59Do you want to get out first?
27:01Yeah, if you like.
27:03It's all right, Kerry, I'm coming in with you.
27:09Hello, are you Trevor?
27:11I am, yeah. Hello, I'm Francis Seaton.
27:14Lovely to meet you. Nice to meet you. Are you Kerry, then?
27:17Yeah. Oh, you're Trev?
27:18I am. Trev, really nice to meet you, mate.
27:22Wow. It's really nice, yeah.
27:24All right. Yeah.
27:25That's good. All right.
27:27Did you find it all right, this place?
27:29Yeah, I found it all right, yeah.
27:31Well done. Well, you'd better come in.
27:40Thank you so much for having me, Trev.
27:42You know how much this will mean to my dad.
27:44It's my pleasure. I'm just really sorry to hear about his troubles,
27:48that's all. Yeah, it's an absolute stitch-up.
27:51It's what they do to us bikers.
27:52Well, yeah. You'd know.
27:55And he was a bloody good biker, your dad. Was he?
27:57Oh, yes, he was.
27:59And he had the looks for it, and all. Yeah?
28:02Everyone knew him because of this big beard he had.
28:05Big beard?!
28:06Yeah, yeah. Really? Dad?! A big beard, yeah.
28:08Didn't you know about that?
28:09No, I didn't know Dad had a massive beard.
28:11Well, there's a story there. Yeah?
28:131976, we were all riding down to Durdle Door
28:16and word gets out that a coachload of Donny Osmond fan girls has broken
28:21down on their way back from this London gig.
28:23And apparently they're queueing up to give out
28:26blowers to any biker who'd give them a backy back down to Weymouth.
28:30So, Kerry, us Fingers - we are piling it down the A419
28:34and we are as stiff as pool cues.
28:37And then my gas tank puckers up and I'm left stranded on the side
28:39of the road, knowing full well that if I don't get
28:42down there quick,
28:43the only person left to suck me off will be the bus driver.
28:46And then suddenly your dad appears.
28:49And he takes the straw out of his milkshake and he sucks
28:52the petrol out of his gas tank and he spits it into mine,
28:55and he carries on until his gas tank is completely empty.
28:58And he looks at me and he says,
29:00"Trev...
29:02"..you deserve this blow job
29:04"more than me."
29:08That's beautiful.
29:09So anyway, I give him a big hug by the side of the road and I jump
29:13back on my bike and as I'm pulling away,
29:15I look in my wing mirror and I see he's lighting up a cig.
29:18Before you know it, his whole beard's gone up.
29:20He burned his follicles so bad they wouldn't grow back.
29:23No?!
29:25Really?!
29:26That was Big Martin for you, always putting other people first.
29:31It's been absolutely amazing, off the chart, meeting Trev today.
29:36Like, I was a little bit nervous at the start because of the axe
29:39and the dead animals and that, but he's been absolutely great.
29:43And especially after everything that's happened with everyone
29:46turning their back on my dad, you know, it's so important
29:49that people know the Martin Mucklowe that I know.
29:52And not the peeping one.
29:59I just can't help myself.
30:01Got to pop by bowls club and see the utter carnage unfold.
30:05Terry will be late with the sarnies,
30:08that'll send Arthur into a rage, he'll be fucking throwing chairs
30:10again, Len will be kicking over the tables.
30:14They're like dominoes.
30:15When one starts, they all bloody kick off.
30:20Watch out, Len's about.
30:22That's a sore sight for sad eyes, isn't it?
30:25All right, Len, what are you eating?
30:27Cornflakes. Where did you get them from? The food bank.
30:32You all right?
30:34No. What's happened?
30:36I'm banned.
30:37What you done now, you doughnut?
30:39Len ain't done nothing.
30:41Len, you haven't been using that selfie stick
30:43to look up women's skirts again, have you?
30:46No.
30:47Well, what have you done?
30:48I only go in the bowls club to keep warm.
30:50I've got nowhere to go.
30:52Neil chucked me out because I couldn't afford
30:55to buy a drink.
30:56Sorry to hear that, mate.
30:59Terry kicked you out?
31:00Not Terry, Neil, the barman.
31:04Barman?
31:05Yeah.
31:08What do you mean, barman?
31:09There's a new barman?
31:11How many times I got to tell you?!
31:12All right. Fucking hell.
31:16That's... That's not true.
31:19He's losing his fucking marbles, that's what.
31:22Hang on, hang on. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
31:24See - no barman.
31:26Hang on, who's that?
31:30He's got my tie on, that's weird.
31:33He's serving drinks.
31:35That's a new barman.
31:39I don't believe that.
31:41That's a massive knife in the back.
31:44Is that Arthur laughing?
31:47I've never seen Arthur laugh.
31:52He told me he ain't laughed since he was part of the squadron
31:54that carpet-bombed Dresden.
31:56Which either means it was so harrowing for him that he hasn't
31:59been able to laugh since, or it was the last thing
32:02that genuinely tickled him.
32:03I just...
32:07A new barman?
32:10I feel... I feel a bit sick, actually.
32:13I need to go home.
32:16See you later, Len. Ta-ra.
32:21So I think that's the Fingers, am I right?
32:24Oh, look at that.
32:25There's the Fingers, there. Another one of the Fingers.
32:28I remember that. I remember that very well.
32:30You all look absolutely mad. Yeah, yeah.
32:33There's another one of you and my dad.
32:35There's some other ones...
32:37Hold on, that's not Big Martin.
32:39Yeah, well, he's put on a lot of weight.
32:41No, no, no.
32:43That's Big Martin there, Martin Bullard.
32:45We call him Big Martin because he's five foot five.
32:48That man there, that's Martin Mucklowe, that is.
32:50Yeah, that's my dad.
32:59Martin Mucklowe's a bastard.
33:04He was a liar, he was a cheat, he was a thief, he was selfish,
33:07he was a backstabber.
33:09He had no morals, he broke every code the Fingers swore by.
33:12And you do know he was responsible for Pull My Finger
33:15committing suicide? You do know that, don't you? What do you mean?
33:23Derek Sprawls was his birth name.
33:27Poor sod.
33:31He was born with the worst case of cleft pallet I've ever seen.
33:35A face even a mother couldn't love, a face so twisted it looked like two
33:39hands wringing out a damp cloth.
33:43So they sold him to some Romany Gypsies...
33:47..for a rusty Ford Prefect and as much lucky heather
33:51as they could fit in the boot.
33:54He worked the carnivals.
33:57Unloved.
33:59Overworked.
34:02Arms like tree trunks from spinning the waltzer carts 15 hours a day.
34:08That's where he met Sue, local farmer's girl.
34:12A girl so big she had to have a whole cart just to herself.
34:17But Derek didn't mind about that.
34:20He loved her, you see?
34:23But Martin, being Martin, he couldn't stand to see
34:26Derek happy.
34:28So one summer solstice, we're down at Stonehenge watching
34:30the sun go down, we hear those grunts from behind the stones.
34:33And we all go over to investigate.
34:36And there's Martin and Sue, they...
34:41Well, you can probably guess what they were up to.
34:50What were they up to?
34:57Martin was stuffing her.
34:59He was stuffing her so hard from behind, with no care,
35:03no love or nothing, it was just a cold-hearted stuffing.
35:10And all the time he's grinning at Derek, as if to say,
35:14"Whatever you love, Derek, I will take it from you...
35:21"..and shag it."
35:33You all right, Kerry?
35:43I know just the man to help get us through this.
35:53MUSIC: "Babylon" by David Gray
35:57# To show you how I really feel
35:58# Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made
36:04# If you want it, come and get it
36:09# Crying out loud
36:14# The love that I was giving you was never in doubt
36:22# Let go of your heart, let go of your head
36:26# And feel it now
36:30# Let go of your heart, let go of your head. #
36:34Sorry, it's actually making me feel car sick,
36:36you singing like that. Sorry.
36:49Terry, right, hired a new bar manager,
36:52yeah, after telling me they couldn't afford to have one.
36:55He lied to me.
36:56And to rub it in, he posted a picture of the new barman
36:59on the Facebook page.
37:01Look at that - posing with my food hygiene certificate.
37:05The certificate I earned with my hard work,
37:08not his, and he's posing with it like he earned it.
37:11You know, I'm utterly raging now.
37:13I think you've really got to let it go now.
37:16Let it go!
37:18You are such an unemotional slab of ham, Kerry.
37:21Listen right, I got that hygiene rating to a three.
37:25Do you know what it was before?
37:26A one? No! No, no, no, no.
37:29It was a none, yeah?
37:30That kitchen was condemned, that kitchen was not fit to serve
37:34food from. And do you know why?
37:35Why? Because Terry used to use the raw chicken board to cut the lemons
37:38on for the cokes and he used to laugh about it, as well.
37:43I've got so much shit on that man you would not believe.
37:45Yeah, go on.
37:47All right, another time, yeah, before a bowls match,
37:50he walked over to the buffet table when no-one was there,
37:53he said, "Kurtan, watch this", dropped his keks
37:56and farted on the quiches. If that came out, that'd ruin him.
37:58That would ruin him, actually.
38:00Yeah.
38:02And another thing Terry don't know is that I still know the security
38:06code to the back door, so I could just go in there at night
38:09when no-one's there, get my certificate back,
38:11which is mine, and I could rob the tills if I wanted to.
38:14I mean, I probably wouldn't, but I could.
38:16You could, yeah.
38:18Terry's too much of an old scrote to know how to change the code.
38:22That's why he needed me, to do all his tech stuff...
38:24Yeah. ..because he's too much of a digital dinosaur.
38:27Yeah.
38:29I could ruin that club like that.
38:31You could, actually.
38:32I could. You really could, yeah.
38:35What's that fucking smell, by the way?
38:37It's just some pig shit.
38:39Pig shit?! Yeah, in a bag.
38:41What've you got that for?
38:43I was going to post it through Sandra's letterbox,
38:45but I think I've changed my mind.
38:52I'm not sure Kerry got what she wanted from going
38:54to see Trevor.
38:58But I'm pretty certain she got what she needed in the long-term.
39:04So I was watching this Henry VIII documentary last night
39:08and in many ways he's a lot like my dad,
39:11because at first
39:13you think, "Oh, Catherine of Aragon's got a screw loose,"
39:16or "Anne Boleyn seems like a bit of a psychopath."
39:19But by the time you get to Catherine Parr,
39:22you do start to wonder whether the problem
39:25might lie with Henry.
39:30And it's a shame because if the wives had just chatted
39:32to each other...
39:34Like, if Jane Seymour had just sat down with Catherine Howard,
39:37Catherine Howard would not have touched him with a barge pole.
39:44Hiya, are you are right?
39:46I just wondered if I could come in and have a chat...with you.
39:52Yeah, come in for a cup of tea. All right, cheers. All right, boys.
39:56Yeah. Yeah.
39:57What are you up to?
39:59Playing with Lego. Lego?!
40:01I absolutely love Lego.
40:10I thought about going to Terry's house
40:12and just having it out with him
40:13and planting one on his alcoholic tomato nose,
40:16but that would be too easy.
40:18Keep your enemies close, but keep your friends close as well,
40:23because they are your friends at the end of the day.
40:29Revenge is a dish best served covered in pig shite.
40:45BEEPING
41:15So Terry's changed the code.
41:18Erm...
41:25I don't really know what to do now, to be honest.
41:36I think I'll just... I'll probably just go home now,
41:39if that's all right?
41:43Smart fox, actually, Terry.
41:46I should have known.
41:48Nothing gets past him.
41:59Fuck's sake.
42:06Basically, guys, I'm going to teach you how to run really fast.
42:09So you've got to put your hands like this so they slice
42:12through the air and you're more aerodynamic.
42:15It's basically what all athletes do, and wrestlers do it, as well.
42:19So if you want to start from here.
42:23Here.
42:24I've seen a really positive change in Kerry since she started spending
42:28more time with her half-siblings.
42:30They've given her a sense of purpose that I think she's been craving
42:34for a long time.
42:36Push forward, rip out their insides, take them out, walk away,
42:39drop entrails, walk off the crime scene.
42:43And I think it's helping her move on from Martin knowing
42:46there are people out there who do value spending time with her.
42:50Well, this is Marvin.
42:51Say hello, Marvin. Hello.
42:53And then we've got Martin.
42:55Big Martin. Say hello, Martin.
42:57Hello!
42:58I've absolutely loved getting to know my brothers
43:01the last few weeks.
43:02Mostly for their benefit more than mine, only because I am
43:05a mentor to them.
43:07In like, I'm a Mr Miyagi to their Karate Kid.
43:10Do you guys like cats?
43:13Yeah. Do you like hats? Yeah!
43:17Do you like cats in hats?
43:19Yes.
43:22Well, I tell you what, Marvin, there's this amazing book
43:25that I've been reading.
43:26It's basically about a cat who wears a hat.
43:28The Cat In The Hat! That's it!
43:30But the hat's very much too large.
43:33You've read that one?
43:34Yeah, I have. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
43:44Fuck! What?
43:46Fuck! That's Terry.
43:48Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. He's coming up the path.
43:50Oh, my God. That actually is Terry as well.
43:53What's he coming to your house for?
43:55I don't know.
43:57Do you reckon he knows what I was going to do to the club?
43:59Fuck! Probably.
44:00The CCTV, that's what he saw me on.
44:03KNOCKING ON DOOR
44:05Don't answer it. Of course I'm going to answer it.
44:07Why?! Because I don't know who it is. It's fucking Terry!
44:09It might not be. Kerry, don't! No..
44:11All right, Terry. Fuck.
44:14Yeah, he's just in here.
44:15It is Terry. Oh, right.
44:22All right, Terry.
44:26I tried ringing you, but your phone weren't working, so I went
44:30round your nan's.
44:31She said you'd be here.
44:34Oh, all right.
44:38What you doing tomorrow, then?
44:41Tomorrow?
44:44Nothing. Why?
44:46We're a bit short behind the bar, if you fancy a shift?
44:51Yeah, I could do that. Excellent.
44:53Yeah, I'm free. Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then.
44:56Usual time. Okey doke.
44:57You can keep an eye on old Colin's bags. We still can't find them.
45:01Some things don't change, eh? See you later.
45:03See you, Terry.
45:08Yes, I am aware I said I wouldn't work for Terry again,
45:12but I just can't quit him, you know?
45:15Yeah, we might have a fiery relationship,
45:17but when we're together behind that bar, it's just...
45:20It's just pure chemistry, isn't it?
45:22That's what it is, yeah.
45:25There's something in my eye.